HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU MAKE LOVE ACCORDING TO YOUR AGE (CHART)?

Normal Sex Frequency by Age

A survey published in 2020 found that average sexual frequency by age group is as follows:²

• Adults ages 18 to 24: About 37% of men and 52% of women have sex at least once per week.
• Adults ages 25 to 34: About 50% of men and 50% of women have sex at least once per week.
• Adults ages 35 to 44: About 50% of men and 53% of women have sex at least once per week.

According to another survey conducted between 1989 to 2014, the biggest decline in sexual frequency can be seen in people in their 50s.¹

One study out of Dublin also saw that 75% of people ages 50 to 64 were still sexually active, compared to 23% of people ages 75 and over.³

The average sex frequency appears to be around once per week for all sexes and age groups, research shows.¹

It’s normal to have more or less than that, too; the Dublin study revealed that 36% of sexually active adults had sex once or twice per month, and 33% of sexually active adults had sex once or twice per week.³

What Affects How Often Couples Have Sex?

There are many factors that determine how often a couple has sex. Many are unique to each partner while others are related to the relationship.

Factors that can affect how often couples have sex include:

• Age: Sex hormone levels peak in youth but decline significantly around age 50, when decreases in sexual frequency become most noticeable.¹
• Libido: Mismatched libidos are one of the most common reasons that couples seek therapy. Having a partner whose libido does not match with yours can reduce sex frequency, intimacy, and overall relationship quality.⁴
• Relationship status: Research suggests that people who are single tend to have more sex than people who are partnered (married or unmarried).¹
• Chronic health conditions: Many chronic diseases, including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), are linked to reduced libido and sexual dysfunction.⁵
• Employment status: Full-time working men have more frequent sex than those who work part-time, are unemployed, or are students. Employment status doesn’t impact women’s sex frequency, but female students report having sex less often.²
• Children: Couples with school-aged children report having less sex compared to couples with children in different age groups and couples with no children.¹
• Use of porn: Internet pornography use among one or both partners is consistently associated with poorer relationship quality, feelings of inadequacy, and low self-esteem.⁶

Can a Relationship Last Without Sex?

Relationships that are not sexual can last if both partners feel loved and supported and are satisfied with the quality of intimacy. The longevity of the relationship is more dependent on the couple’s ability to communicate and connect in ways that are intimate but not necessarily sexual.

What Is a Healthy Sex Life?

Signs of a healthy sex life include:

• Mutual satisfaction: Whether partners have sex once per year or once per day, both partners are content with the frequency and quality of sex.
• Open communication: Both partners are able to discuss their desires, needs, and boundaries—both in and outside of the bedroom—without fear of judgment.
• Emotional connection: Partners share an emotional bond and intimacy that continues even in times when sex is less frequent.
• Consent and respect: Any sexual activity that does occur is consensual, and both partners respect each other’s limits, boundaries, and preferences.
• Balance: If there is a discrepancy in libido or preferences, partners are able to talk about it and find a balance that works for them both.

Is Frequent Sex Good for Couples?

Couples that have sex at least once per week report greater well-being and relationship satisfaction, but only up to a point. Several large studies have shown that couples who have sex more than once a week don’t experience additional benefits.⁷

Signs of an Unhealthy Sex Life

Signs of an unhealthy sex life include:

• Mismatched libido: A mismatched libido is a sign of an unhealthy sex life because it can lead to frustration, feelings of rejection, and emotional disconnect between partners.
• Poor communication: Lack of communication leads to misunderstandings and unmet needs, causing dissatisfaction and resentment. Without open dialogue, issues go unaddressed, weakening intimacy.
• One-sided initiation: A 2017 review in PLoS One found that people were generally more content with their sex life and relationship when both partners were able to initiate sex. Those who stuck to strict “roles” in which the man initiates sex were almost always less satisfied.⁸
• Emotional or physical pain: Pain or distress during sex, whether emotional or physical, may be a sign of an underlying issue that needs to be addressed; failure to address it is likely to reduce intimacy and the quality of sex.
• Diminished desire: A persistent drop in sexual desire or arousal, particularly if it causes distress or affects your relationship, can point to an imbalance in libido or another issue that can harm the connection between partners.
• Power imbalances or coercion: Manipulation and control have no place in a healthy sex life. Mutual consent and respect are essential for a positive and fulfilling sexual relationship.

The frequency of sex alone does not determine whether a sex life is healthy or unhealthy. However, if the frequency or other issues related to your sex life lead to emotional distress or disconnection, there may be a problem worth exploring with your partner and/or a therapist.

Is It Healthy to Have Sex Every Day?

As long as you and your partner both desire sex and feel up for it, having sex every day can be healthy for your relationship. However, if hypersexual behaviors make you feel guilty or anxious, or are causing any other physical or mental stress, you and/or your partner may benefit from seeing a therapist.⁹

How to Find a Healthy Balance

If you and your partner are not on the same wavelength when it comes to sex, there are some ways that you can work on making sure that both of you are happy and satisfied with your sex life.

Here are a few tips to consider:

• See a therapist. An online or in-person sex therapist can help you and your partner address differences and find common ground, making it easier to discuss sensitive topics with professional mediation.
• Work on intimacy. If fear of intimacy is causing you or your partner to avoid sex, it’s crucial to discuss these feelings openly. Understanding each other’s emotions helps prevent misunderstandings and avoids placing blame on either partner.
• Plan ahead. While spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment sex can be fun, scheduling sex can be beneficial while addressing each other’s needs. Anticipating these moments might enhance connection and arousal.

Each couple has unique sexual needs and preferences. The key is to find a balance that suits both partners and supports a fulfilling relationship.